In any relationship, communication is key, but there are certain things that, once said, can cause unnecessary strain and even long-term damage. While honesty is crucial, it’s equally important to be mindful and considerate about how we express our thoughts. These are the 21 things you be careful of telling your partner.
Criticising Their Physical Appearance
“Judging other people’s looks can be incredibly harmful,” says Cosmopolitan, and telling your partner that you don’t like the way they look, whether it’s their weight, hairstyle, or clothing choice, can be incredibly hurtful. Everyone has insecurities, and having them highlighted by someone they love can be devastating.
Comparing Them to an Ex
If you’re bringing up an ex in comparison, especially in a negative light, this is a huge no-no. Statements like, “My ex never did that,” or “My ex was better at this,” can make your partner feel inadequate and unappreciated. Each relationship is unique, and such comparisons can breed jealousy and insecurity.
Negativity About Their Family
Even if you don’t get along with your partner’s family, it’s best to avoid saying negative things about them. Family ties are often deep-rooted and complex, so criticising their family can put your partner in a difficult position and can cause resentment towards you for disrespecting their loved ones.
Expressing Regrets About the Relationship
Saying you regret getting into the relationship or wish you hadn’t met them can be incredibly damaging. It undermines the value of your time together and can make your partner feel unloved and unimportant. Instead, focus on working through issues together constructively.
Bringing Up Past Mistakes
When you’re constantly reminding your partner of their past mistakes, it can prevent the relationship from moving forward. Everyone makes mistakes, and holding onto them can create a toxic environment. It’s important to forgive and focus on building a better future together.
Sharing Intimate Details With Others
Your partner’s trust is crucial in a relationship, so sharing intimate details about your relationship with friends or family can feel like a betrayal. It’s important to keep certain things private to maintain trust and respect between you and your partner.
Expressing Doubts About Their Abilities
Telling your partner you don’t believe in their abilities, whether in their career, hobbies, or personal goals, can be very discouraging. Support and encouragement are vital in a relationship, and believing in your partner helps them feel confident and motivated.
Dismissing Their Feelings
When you say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “It’s not a big deal,” it can make your partner feel invalidated and unheard. Everyone’s feelings are valid, and dismissing them can cause an emotional disconnect, so it’s important to listen and empathise with your partner’s emotions.
Revealing You’re Attracted to Someone Else
Admitting you find someone else attractive can be very hurtful. While it’s natural to notice attractive people, sharing this with your partner can create unnecessary insecurity and jealousy. Instead, focus on making your partner feel valued and cherished.
Telling Them You Miss Being Single
If you say out loud that you miss being single, it implies that you’re unhappy in the relationship, which can make your partner feel like they’re holding you back—and that you’re not committed. Discuss what aspects of your relationship you’d like to improve as an alternative.
Criticising Their Interests or Hobbies
Mocking or belittling your partner’s interests and hobbies can be very hurtful. Everyone needs their own space and activities that they enjoy, which is why you should try to show interest and support in what makes them happy instead of knocking it down.
Telling Them How to Live Their Life
No one likes to feel controlled, so telling your partner how they should live their life, how they should make decisions, or how to handle situations can feel oppressive. Respect their autonomy and support their choices, even if they differ from your own.
Using Hurtful Nicknames
Even in jest, hurtful nicknames can sting. What might seem like harmless teasing to you can affect your partner’s self-esteem. Always choose your words carefully and make sure your playful banter doesn’t cross the line into hurtfulness by checking in with them.
Complaining About Them to Others
Venting about your partner to friends or family can create a negative perception of them, not to mention that it can also feel like a betrayal when your partner finds out. Try to resolve issues directly with your partner instead of airing your grievances to others.
Comparing Your Relationship to Others
Every relationship is unique, and comparing yours to others can lead to dissatisfaction. Statements like, “Why can’t we be like them?” can make your partner feel like they’re not good enough. Rather than making comparisons, you should focus on your relationship’s strengths and work on areas that need improvement.
Attacking Their Personal Choices
Whether it’s their fashion sense, music taste, or lifestyle choices, criticising your partner’s personal preferences can feel like an attack on their identity. Embrace their individuality and appreciate the differences that make them who they are, and remember that these are the things about them that attracted you in the first place.
Diminishing Their Achievements
Minimising your partner’s accomplishments, whether big or small, can be very disheartening for them, as you’re supposed to cheer them on. Celebrate their achievements and recognise their efforts because feeling supported strengthens the bond in a relationship.
Discussing Relationship Breaks or Breakups Lightly
If you’re making jokes about breaking up or taking a break, it’s not funny, and it can create unnecessary anxiety, even if said in jest. It can make your partner question your relationship’s stability when you could focus on building a secure and reassuring environment.
Expressing Boredom in the Relationship
Telling your partner you’re bored can make them feel like they’re not enough. This is damaging as you should never be bored around someone you love. An alternative to expressing boredom is discussing activities and experiences you both can enjoy together to rekindle the excitement in your relationship.
Taking Fault With Their Work or Career
Your partner’s career is a significant part of their identity, so any sort of criticism for their job or career choices can feel like a personal attack. Support their professional journey and be a source of encouragement—even if you don’t fully understand their field.
Making Ultimatums
One last thing you should never do is give an ultimatum. Ultimatums can feel like emotional blackmail, create a power imbalance, and can result in resentment. Try to communicate openly about your needs and work towards finding a mutually agreeable solution.
