Relationships should be built on trust, respect, and love. But sometimes, individuals use manipulative tactics that can confuse their partners and even lead them to question their own reality. These manipulative behaviours are not always easy to spot, so let’s explore 18 of these tactics that you should watch out for.
Gaslighting
Medical News Today explains that gaslighting “is a form of psychological abuse where a person causes someone to question their sanity,” and it is one of the most insidious forms of manipulation. A gaslighter will deny things they said or did, often with such conviction that you start to question your own recollection.
Silent Treatment
A passive-aggressive way to punish someone is the silent treatment. This is when someone refuses to communicate, which leaves their partner feeling ignored and devalued. This strategy can be particularly painful because it withholds emotional support and connection, making the victim desperate for any kind of response.
Playing the Victim
Playing the victim is a strategy where the manipulator turns the tables, making themselves out to be the one who’s been wronged. This shifts the focus away from their own behaviour and onto how much they’re suffering. It’s a way to gain sympathy and avoid taking responsibility, leaving you feeling guilty yourself.
Love Bombing
Overwhelming someone with affection, attention, and gifts to gain their trust and affection quickly is called love bombing. This power play is often used at the beginning of a relationship to create a deep emotional bond. However, once the manipulator feels they have control, the intense affection often disappears, leaving the victim confused.
Guilt-Tripping
Guilt-tripping involves making someone feel guilty to get them to do what the manipulator wants, and this can be done subtly or overtly, often making the victim feel like they’re constantly letting the manipulator down. It’s a way to control actions and decisions through emotional blackmail, making you feel bad for asserting your own needs.
Triangulation
Triangulation is bringing a third person into the dynamic to create jealousy or rivalry. It’s done to make the victim feel insecure and to establish the manipulator’s dominance. It can involve comparing the victim to another person or hinting that someone else finds them more attractive or interesting, causing anxiety and a need to compete for attention.
Criticism Disguised as Jokes
When a person uses humour to criticise, it can be confusing and hurtful. They might make cutting remarks about your appearance, intelligence, or capabilities but frame them as jokes. If you react negatively, they’ll accuse you of not having a sense of humour, making you question whether you’re being too sensitive (you’re not).
Conditional Affection
Conditional affection means showing love and approval only when the victim behaves in a certain way, which can result in love feeling like a reward that must be earned rather than freely given. It creates an unhealthy dynamic where you constantly strive to meet the manipulator’s conditions.
Financial Control
A plan where the manipulator controls all the finances, making the victim dependent on them for money, is known as financial control. This can involve restricting access to bank accounts, controlling spending, or providing an allowance. It’s a way to limit your independence and ensure you stay reliant on them.
Minimising Your Feelings
When an individual minimises your feelings, they dismiss them as overreactions or unimportant—they might say things like, “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re overreacting.” This move invalidates your emotions, making you doubt whether your feelings are justified and often leaving you reluctant to express them.
Blame-Shifting
Blame-shifting involves turning the tables when confronted with their behaviour instead of taking responsibility. They’ll find a way to blame you for the issue. This might include bringing up past mistakes you’ve made or accusing you of causing their behaviour in the first place.
Overstepping Boundaries
If you feel as though your limits and personal space have been disregarded, your boundaries are being overstepped. This can involve them going through your personal belongings, invading your privacy, or ignoring your requests for space. They assert control and diminish your sense of autonomy by not respecting your boundaries.
Isolation
Isolation is a tactic in which the manipulator tries to cut you off from friends, family, and other support systems. They might do this by criticising your loved ones, creating conflicts, or making you feel guilty for spending time with others. Isolation makes you more dependent on the manipulator, which is what they want.
Emotional Blackmail
Using fear, guilt, or obligation to control someone is all a part of emotional blackmail, where a person might threaten to harm themselves or others if you don’t comply with their demands. This is extremely powerful because it plays on your emotions and sense of responsibility, making you feel trapped.
Denial
Denial is when a manipulative person refuses to acknowledge their behaviour or the impact it has on you. They might claim that certain events never happened or that your feelings are unfounded. This method is designed to make you question your reality and can be incredibly damaging to your mental health.
Intimidation
If you’ve ever been party to threats or aggressive behaviour, these intimidation methods are a means to try and control you – these can be physical, verbal, or emotional. The goal is to instill fear and ensure compliance. Intimidation undermines your sense of safety, making it difficult to stand up for yourself.
Withholding Information
Withholding information is a form of deceit whereby the other person deliberately keeps important details from you. This can include not sharing significant life events, decisions, or financial matters. By keeping you in the dark, they maintain control and power.
Future Faking
One final tactic you should know about manipulators is future faking, which is when they make grand promises about the future to keep you hooked. They might talk about marriage, travel, or other plans to make you feel secure and committed. However, these promises are rarely fulfilled. It’s a way to keep you invested in the relationship.
