When your adult children begin to leave home or enter serious relationships, it can take some getting used to. Going from being their go-to person to taking a more supportive role can be tough, and here are some ways things change during this new chapter in your life.
Family Dynamics Shift
Parents are often used to being their children’s priority, but this can quickly change when a child gets a partner. Marriage.com suggests having a good conversation about what this will look like to set boundaries and remind each other that you’re there for one another.
Communication Patterns Evolve
When an adult child begins a serious relationship, parents might see a change in the type of communication they have with their child and how often they hear from them. For example, it might become more convenient to use group communication platforms so you can all be kept up to date quickly and efficiently while not living under the same roof.
Holiday Celebrations Transform
The holidays are an important time in most family calendars, but parents might need to alternate years or combine their celebrations with the partner’s parents to accommodate both families’ needs. It is also important to take on fresh perspectives from the new partner and include some of their traditions in your celebrations so they feel included.
Financial Considerations
When adult children get married or move in with their partners, it’s important for parents to take a step back from their finances and allow the couple autonomy. Of course, they may come to you for advice or financial help, but let them build their own plans and strategies.
Living Arrangements
For some, your child’s new partner might mean they leave home, but for others, it may mean the partner moves into your family home. If this is the case, Aviva suggests talking the finances through. “Although sharing can make economic sense for everyone, your household costs are likely to increase by having another person, or more, at home.”
Privacy and Boundaries
All couples, especially those in a new relationship, need privacy and respect to allow them to grow their partnership. It is crucial that parents know when and how to offer support without overstepping or interfering in their private matters. It can be helpful to sit down with your children and discuss any boundaries they have.
Sibling Relationships
When a partner begins to attend family gatherings, vacations, and events, siblings may need to adjust to their presence, as it represents a change in family dynamics. By fostering an open and welcoming environment, siblings can work together to form their own independent and positive relationships with the partner.
Traditions
Family traditions can be really meaningful, and by including the partner, you help to build a strong connection as well as shared memories. It’s also important to work on creating new traditions that reflect both the family’s and the partner’s backgrounds to create a collective identity.
Vacations
Family vacations may not always be possible, depending on finances and work commitments, but if you are able to plan a trip with your adult children and their partners, you should make sure to consider the partners’ interests and preferences in the planning. This can ensure travel plans foster a strong bond and respect individual needs.
Health and Well-being
Another area of your child’s life you’ll need to take a step back from is health and well-being. Parents need to respect the couple’s privacy and decision-making in health matters. Feel free to offer advice and support when appropriate, as long as you ultimately respect their autonomy.
Crisis and Conflict Resolution
Understanding the couple’s conflict resolution style means you’ll know how to provide a supportive environment so that they know they can come to you if they need it. According to the Pew Research Center, “When asked about a specific child, about four-in-ten parents say that child relies on them a great deal (15%) or a fair amount (26%) for emotional support.”
Inheritance
A new partner may impact your legacy planning, so it’s important to have transparent conversations with your whole family to prevent misunderstandings. By considering the partner and including them in discussions, you’ll help them feel included and respected, as well as create a fair and inclusive plan.
Grandparenting Expectations
If the couple intends on having children, they may be under the impression you’ll be able to provide financial help as well as assist with childcare. If this is the case, it can be helpful to understand timelines and expected roles to build a supportive and mutually respectful relationship.
Cultural Integration
Embracing the partner’s culture can enrich your family’s experiences, and it’s important to take opportunities to learn from their perspective to enhance mutual understanding. When it comes to navigating cultural differences, try being open-minded and adaptable to ensure that all family members feel valued and respected for their backgrounds.
Support Systems
To establish yourselves as a reliable support system, you’ll need to make sure you’re available for guidance and assistance while respecting the couple’s independence and decision-making processes. For example, offer advice when they ask, but refrain from giving unsolicited guidance.
Personal Growth and Adaptation
Stepping into this new role can be an exciting time, and you may experience personal growth as you adapt. By embracing the changes, you can develop a deeper understanding of love, relationships, and family dynamics, as well as form a fulfilling relationship with your child’s new partner.
